Villanelle

The dust beneath the keys remains unseen
but I can tell that it is always there.
I wish that all around me was pristine.

You think I'm crazy and I think you're mean
the way your crap lies all around our lair.
The dust beneath the keys remains unseen.

The apple on the counter's turning green,
the floors are strewn with balls of dust and hair.
I wish that all around me was pristine.

I never realized that you weren't too keen
on keeping our house neat with perfumed air.
The dust beneath the keys remains unseen.

My clean obsession's lived since I was a teen
who vacuumed up the dirt that wasn't there.
I wish that all around me was pristine.

I want my house like in a magazine,
so folks will enter shocked and gasp and stare.
The dust beneath the keys remains unseen,
I wish that all around me was pristine.

Finding a Present Value is the Reverse of Finding a Future Value*

What about past value? Recently I've found myself mulling over past relationships and mistakes made. Generally these are the same thing -- past relationships = mistakes. I'm not what you'd call "super-experienced" when it comes to dating. I think it's a combination of factors:

1) Not being allowed to date until...well, I guess according to my parents, I was never allowed to date; I was just supposed to magically get married.
2) Not being what most guys are into. Generally people think that guys are into whatever woman walks past them, but sadly I've learned this is not the case. I'm not sure what it is. I don't think I'm ugly. I just think that I'm not attractive to most guys. I often get overlooked.

So anyway, the number of actual "boyfriends" I've had (including my husband) is four. Not high, not minuscule. And of those four, I'd say two were complete disasters. I can find absolutely zero past value in those two relationships, other than to indicate to me that I'm a horrible judge of character (my own included) and I should not be trusted to make wise dating decisions. Of the remaining two, I think one was just dumb luck, and the fourth and ultimate one was a great choice, though I think that could also feasibly be chalked up to luck. Because you just never know.

In my current relationship I'd say that the present value is not the reverse of the future value. I'd like to think both are highly valuable. But then maybe what the phrase means is that, like I said before, you never know. The present value could be awesome and the future value could be crap. Or death. Or falling into a volcano. Which also equals death.

Hm. So basically trying to find a future value is futile, so therefore you should bask in the present value, which the reverse of that because you should actually be aware of what you have at the moment (?). But what about "you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone"? Is Fundamentals of Financial Management trying to get all philosophical on us?

I guess I should value what is in front of me at the present moment: good friends, fancy laptops, strawberries, wine, and the clacking of fingers hitting the keyboards, inspired by what could have been the most banal of sources.

* Writing exercise inspired by a randomly-selected phrase from the book Fundamentals of Financial Management.

Flight vs. Invisibility

I just heard the repeat of an old "This American Life" episode in which people are asked if they would choose flight or invisibility as their superpower of choice. When it comes down to it, supposedly, everyone who says they would choose flight is lying to themselves and really we'd all just rather be invisible so we could steal shit and look at other people naked. I always thought I'd definitely be someone who would choose flight, but I have come to realize I'm not so sure.

Sometimes I think Facebook is kind of like an invisibility machine, in a way. You get to peer into the lives of people from your past, or their friends, or their friends' friends, or random people who would probably be wondering why the hell you know where they went to college or what kind of shoes they just bought to wear to their cousin's wedding. It can be a little creepy. One minute you're looking up an old high school friend and the next you're gazing at a photo of a horrible ex-boyfriend's adorable children and wondering why he deserves such a perfect-looking family. I think this is why I could never handle the power of invisibility if I was given it, and also why I shouldn't spend too much time on Facebook.

Romper Room

I am so glad this issue has been resolved.

Continuing Obsession: Vintage Swimwear

As a child, I generally got one swimsuit per summer. Sometimes my mom sewed them herself, and they were pretty cute. As time went on, my poolside fashion depended on the shape I was in and what I wanted to cover up. I had a brief five-year period when I could show off my skinny lil' self in skimpy two-pieces (far from my mother's disapproving glare, of course), but those days have come and gone.

In college, I discovered that Southern California girls own more than just one bathing suit -- you had several different suits for lying out, dipping in the pool, hot tubbing, actually swimming, etc. Suddenly I owned a suitcase full of bathing suits, many of them vintage ones scored from rummage sales and thrift stores in Santa Barbara. Naturally the suitcase was vintage as well. Some people have an "ick" factor when it comes to buying vintage (a.k.a. "used") swimwear, but I don't really care. Just wash it in hot water and it's fine, I think.

Besides, who would want to look like this:

when you could look like this:

??

I Want...

1) Every pair of these chappals from Tribal Route in Bombay (I already own the ones pictured here).

2) This scene to magically happen in front of me, or better yet STARRING me.

3) These outfits.

4) To stay at this hotel.

I can dream, right? Out of these, the chappals might become a reality. But who knows? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Reason #147 Why I Amuse Myself

I woke up yesterday with a crazy migraine. All day at work I thought the migraine had somehow cured my vision and I no longer needed glasses, because my vision was blurred when I put my glasses on, but was perfect when I took them off. It wasn't until I was driving home that I realized I had my contacts in.